You need to set a structure

Most parents are struggling with a child who is disrespectful, intolerable or even abusive in some ways. This creates frustration and exhaustion especially when arguing becomes more constantly. These parents may feel also that they are "walking on eggshells" around their child to avoid conflicts that will "set their child off?" They may have tried screaming, punishing, pleading, and negotiating but their child still walks all over them.

You cannot predict child’s behavior but it’s normal for them to act differently. Bad behavior can be observed from time to time and the only thing that you can do is to have some interventions to correct it. You should have a structure that will make your child follow. This structure should make him feel that he has responsibilities that need to be done. You may look at our structure but I'm not saying that we have the right one. First, we set schedules, like breakfast, snack, lunch and dinner. Also he has to get his nap during around noon time. Playtime, bath time and TV or PC time will be set for other parts of the day. At around 8pm after having his dinner, Clarence knew that the next thing to do is to take his vitamins. And then I will play the “clean up” song in our PC implying that we need to put his toys away (keeping it organized and putting in the right place-like toy shelves, bins, etc.). After doing the clean-up routine, we will ask Clarence of the next thing that we should do, he might not answer us but he will go directly to the bathroom for it’s his wash time (this includes brushing his teeth, warm cloth, lotion and changing of clothes). When we gets into bed, he will automatically asks for a book, there we will give him 2 choices of books and the one he picks will be read in bed. Once he said, “The End”, we will put the book away and then hold his right hand to do sign of the cross as a start of our night prayer. After that, lamps will be turned off and night light will be on. You should be strict in your structure for him to be familiarized with it and not to differ in every instruction you will give. Just be patient for the first days and you’ll find your reward when things go in your way. We didn’t even get it the first and second tries, but as days go by, we noticed that Clarence easily picks up the things he should do as we strictly followed our structure.

Child's skills that can be developed through playing

It's a good thing that Clarence is attending free classes in school near our place, I also get to involve in parent-teacher discussions and catch some tips and advices in parenting. Though some of us have different approaches, but sharing it all in our meeting helps us to come up with the best method. There are some ways you can develop your child skills and at the same time having fun from it. The following are the things I’ve learned from Clarence’ teachers and co-parents: Special thanks to Ms. Peggi Kelly and Ms. Jan Simons, two of Clarence' wonderful teachers.

Cognitive Skills: This is your child’s ability to solve problems and remember things. Help your child sort big and little things (example toy cars) into 2 containers. Some toys like shape puzzle also makes this skill into practice. I tried grouping pile of things with same colors and let him recognize the colors by asking him to put some of his toys in the pile where it matches its color.

Communication Skills: This is your child’s ability to understand what is said, follow directions and express his needs, wants and emotions. Help your child to express his wants during playtime by giving him choices. Like giving him 2 choices of toys or books, just make sure that both options presented are acceptable for him to take. Try giving instructions, like “Get your diaper”, “Close the door “, or “Give me an apple”. Could he follow that direction?

Social and emotional skills: Your child’s ability to follow group routine; separate from familiar adult, and play appropriately with peers. Was your child aware of the other children at play? Use balls and toy cars to push back and forth with another friend. Encourage good eye contact. As for you, make a friend with another parent, exchange names and talk with their child.

Fine motor skills: This is your child’s ability to use his hands and fingers to manipulate objects and complete tasks. Use playdough to strengthen finger muscles. Once in a while prepare some art activity that requires your child to use pincher grip like picking up cut leaves and pasting it to a framed tree.

Gross motor skills: This is your child’s ability to control large muscles to crawl, walk, climb, hop, run and etc. Encourage your child to crawl through a pretend tunnel. If he is reluctant, place a preferred object at the other end. Draw some circles on the ground and make him jump in and out from those circles. You can also use a roly-poly ball to straddle.

Know who you are

Why is that there are people who always see themselves good as what they believed? You can tell these kinds of people by simply listening to them. They often use words like “I, me, my, mine” but seldom use “ours, you, or we”. If you’re lucky enough, you will hear them saying the latter words in blaming or accusing. Have you experienced an instance when you are with your friend, and you did something right or good that you consider rewarding in your part, and when you tried to tell to others how great you were, there is your friend who will get all the credits by saying he did it, I’m the one, If it’s weren’t for me, or It’s a good thing I did it! What a complete jackass! He didn’t even think that he can be heard by the rightful person of the honor. These kinds of people are the ones you need to avoid because in just simple things they can pull you down, without them even knowing it. I’m just wondering why they keep doing that. In my wife’s point of view, she’s thinking that they might just have high regards to their selves or it could also be a compensatory mechanism that may suffice what is lacking on them. By continuous practice of this kind of behavior, it will become a habit and little by little it will become part of their personality which is really hard to change. Or they might not really aware of their behavior, which made them inconsiderate to others, and this is one of the reasons I created this blog for them to realize their unacceptable attitude. I hope by any chance they’ll be able to read this. Who knows it could be you as well, if you feel somewhat guilty from the things written here..

The Best Gift You Can Give to Your Spouse

Most of the time, married couple for many years are becoming at ease with each other. This is how they can make the other person feel that he's being accepted whoever he is or whatever he does. Sometimes this kind of thinking out bounds the true meaning of acceptance. For a healthy relationship, you should still have the sense of indignity to yourself whenever you did an offensive thing in front of your partner. One time, I watched this late night show, a sitcom called ‘Home Improvement” starring Tim Allen. His wife, Jill invited some friends in their house and found Tim so appealing that they envied Jill for having a husband like him. This made Jill realize all the good traits of Tim the first time they met, which made her fall to him. She then promised Tim a romantic night in their bedroom. Jill prepared so much that she wore her sexy nighties with a warm setup all around the room. Here comes Tim who had just came from an eat out with his son, too much full that he gave 2 big belches. And when he got in to their bed, he started swaying his hands out of the blanket to loosen the gas he just passed. Poor Jill, all her excitement were turned into madness. Of course she will freak out and lost her passion to what she had prepared for. It’s not only in the acts that you may offend your partner but also to the way you look, you talk, you eat, you smell and etc. What I’m saying here is that there should be no reason for you not to act or look good, the same way you shown to your partner when the both of you are just starting to build a relationship. The best gift you can give to your partner is for you to be always at your “best”. If you’re getting fatter, you should exercise and do some diet. If you grew some beard, then shave. Always make sure that you are rightful in your partner’s eyes. Fix your hair, brush your teeth, have a little cologne or perfume and most importantly, take a bath. When your partner came from work and being exhausted for the whole day problems, you will not aim to add in to his exhaustion. You should serve as a reward to him that his stress will not matter as soon as he sees you waiting for him with you at your best. This is not a one-way process, like the saying goes, “It takes two to Tango”. Both parties should know their responsibilities and limitations to each other, and that will sum up by treating each other right.

Videos from Internet

Did you know that you can download videos from the internet? This is one way you can use to create another learning material for your kids. Be careful with the videos that you are downloading though, sometimes it contains bad images or wordings. I created a playlist of nursery rhymes and some of the episodes from a well-known children's show. This actually makes learning easier for my son. Alphabet song with colorful pictures and live children, Different kinds of animals with their natural sounds, Colors, Numbers and the likes. Kids can enjoy learning while having fun because of the cheerful songs that binds with the videos. You can save the playlist in your computer or burn it in a vcd. Whenever I need to do a household chore, I’ll open my playlist and let my son watch and learn from it. It’s like hitting two birds in one stone. I can work with my chore while my son is being entertained by the videos. Here’s one way how you can download video; you need to install “real player” in your computer and in its setup, you have to choose the option for downloading videos from the internet. Once you’re done, try going to a site where you like to get videos (sites that share videos and allow people to do downloads, please respect copyrights). On the upper right corner of the video, a “real download button” will appear asking you if you want to get a copy of the video. Clicking it will save a copy in the “real player downloads” folder and library of the real player. It’s up to you on how you will create your playlist. My son started singing the alphabet song at the age of 2 and I think the videos had something to do with it.