How to Say "No" to your child

This post is in response to gab’s mom’s question from my last blog. As you all know, gab’s mom is also Clarence’s godmother and a good friend of mine. Here’s her question:

"i should start saying NO to him! i'm the mom, yeah? LOL

but wait, he's just 1 and 9 mos, should i let him win for now? ha ha ha! i just thought that he might be too young for a resounding NO! what do you think?"

My last post was on how to deal with your toddler when all you hear from him is “No”. Now, I’ll share with you how to say “No” to your child in other ways. It’s parent’s turn to say “No” in ways that (I believe) will be effective in the child’s development regardless of the age. Constantly saying “No” to your child causes it’s meaning to lose its sense. When your child always hears “No”, “Stop” or “Don’t” he’s most likely to become frustrated or afraid to try new things. He can’t build his confidence when you always think that he can’t be messy, risky or free. Though our objective is to protect our child, it’s still better that he will learn this (our objective) by himself---- on WHY we are resistant in his actions. Consider this example, when your child is about to reach the toilet water, of course, your first response is to say “No!” that’s fine (to say No at his first attempt) but it will be more effective when you support it with an explanation. Like “That’s dirty!” or “Yucky! It will make you sick!” So the next time he goes for the toilet again (which he will surely do), instead of “No”, you can just say “Dirty!”, “Yucky” with an exaggerated disgusted face expression. This will help your child understand WHY, and the toilet will be less attractive for him.

Another example is when your child asks for his toy during meal time, of course you will say No again. No, no and no!... That’s kind of irritating on him also, let’s put ourselves into their shoes, it’s like what we feel when our spouses tell the same thing on us in an argument. So here’s another way you can say No to your child the next time he asks for a toy during meal time. “Okay, son you can have/play your toy but it will be later after you finish your food” or "YES! yes, you'll have your toy once dinner is done". "Okay" and "Yes" are better in hearing for them but you can see there’s still a compromise. It’s a bargain that they will surely accept instead of NO (no toy) at all.

My last example is making yourself responsible as a grown-up. You want to protect your child but you are the one who’s sometimes making things dangerous for him. You don’t like to say No all the time so you have to do something on the things and place your child is wandering. Make his world a childproof environment and his toys safe for him. Like when your child tried to touch an electrical outlet, you’ll be there again to hysterically say “No!” but if you already put outlet plugs on it, there’s no reason for you to worry and your child will be free from hearing the No word constantly. If he kept on going to the kitchen or toilet, you can use toddler SAFETY gates or door knob locks. No one else could know what your child needs to be protected but YOU. Be proactive and Beat the Negative. Yes! It rhymes again.

The “No” Word!

It seems that toddlers’ first learning words will not be a set if the word NO is not present. For them it’s a powerful word that can put things in the way they want it to be. I believe this is a normal behavior, a stage where things are hard for the parents to handle. You ask something that you’ll like him to do but instead he’ll just stare at you, shakes head or say “NO!” or even ‘better‘ he does the exact opposite of what he was told. 2 to 3 years old are like that as I observed from my own son and his playgroup mates. Some parents shared the same experience. I think this is the stage where our kids wanted to be in control. They want to do things their own way. We can’t blame them. They have their own opinions and ideas. We want them to be independent but we also like them to be mindful of the needs of others, to see danger, to think before they act and to say No in such acceptable ways. Because saying No is also important! For them, to stay away in trouble or bad things when they get older.

But for the meantime, we want of course, to make our kids not to be used in saying this (I could say) a bit negative word.  One thing I’ve learned from Janice Simons, one of Clarence's very patient teachers was not to give Clarence an option to say No if we want him to do something. Like, when we’re cleaning up his toys and we want to ask him to put his truck away, we will say, “Where do you want this truck, on the shelf or under your table?” In that way, he has no choice but to keep his truck in either place, and hearing the No word becomes lesser. Two acceptable choices that will also make him decide. In food, he sometimes dislike apple but his only second option is grapes. So I didn’t give him anything bad like cookies as another option. Another thing is when you are asking him to do something that he will resist to do, verbally or physically. Like when I ask him to get a diaper, naturally, he’ll say a really tough NO with a look of determination that’s like he’s not gonna break his final word NO. According to Ms. Peggi Kelly, he’s another strong-willed teacher, you should not give up by you yourself getting the diaper, but instead you’ll make sure that your child is getting the signal you’re passing on him. He should know that you are more determined to get your goal – the Diaper.. LOLs! I mean the idea of your child to follow what has been asked him to do. You should not ignore it by saying “oh well, I’ll get it myself just to make it simple!” which is a big mistake because it will just make a perception to your child that he can manipulate you by just saying No. –And that’s not making your life SIMPLE! Instead, you’ll tell your child that you will get the diaper together and you will help him in finding and pulling it from wherever it is kept. You’ll be surprised that he’ll do it…, with you just watching beside him. It’s a win-win-win game, you get your goal of making him follow you, prevents him in possible manipulating on you and you get the diaper. Say No to Stress, Say Yes to Success!! Hehe It rhymes.

Singing is Praying Twice

Singing is praying. When one sings one prays twice - so said the great Saint Augustine. While singing in the front of the Lord, we are in touch with the deepest center of our heart. Whatever moves there, comes out before our Creator as a loving offering to Him. The emotions of joy, grief, anger and frustration pour out in the presence of the Lord in loving trust and total self-surrender.

Singing together is praying together - brothers and sisters in deep communion with each other in the overflowing love of God. Praising God in song draws down double graces too.

Singing right doesn't exclude off-tuned singers. It is when you sing with all your heart and soul as an offering to God Almighty. Before, I sing quietly in church because I know that I’m one of the off-tuned people who can’t raise a note. Funny because I do that just not to look stupid, but I realized it does made me look more stupid when there’s a crowd singing then there I am, showing how much shy to sing. It’s different now, if you know that you are singing as a family with the same objective, you’ll not feel any awkwardness. You can shout without anyone noticing you. I found myself singing so loud whenever we give worship and praises to the Lord. Why don’t you try these songs below. Don Moen is one of our favorites.







ADS

ACTS

I didn't know before that there's a structure you can use in prayer. When I'm praying I just talk to Jesus with whatever words that's coming out from my mind, my heart and my mouth. Christian Life Program informed me about this structure. They pointed out that there's nothing wrong if you have a fixed prayer, or you don't have flowery words, the important thing is it's coming from the bottom of your heart. The structure will just give us a guide in our prayer. It's not a requirement to follow but rather just to help us to make our thoughts organized. At the end, you and your prayer will always be the best for you whatever structure you use as long as it's for the good of your household and your neighbors.

One structure for prayer is given by the acronym "ACTS", representing adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication (or intercession.) This is one order, where we start off focusing on who God is, and praising him for that. Others find a CATS pattern helpful, beginning by clearing out of the way the things that sadden God in our lives, before we can go onto praise him. Let's look briefly at each in turn :

Adoration is to adore God, to worship him and to fulfil the commandment to love him with all of our heart, mind and soul. As we spend time in adoration, we praise God for who He is - our Creator, our Sustainer and our Redeemer.

Confession allows us to clear away the things in the relationship between you and God which are displeasing to Him. All of us have sinned. St John writes in his epistle "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (I Jn 1:8,9)

Thanksgiving. From childhood we are brought up to say "Thank You" when someone does something for us, or gives us a gift. Each moment God is blessing us, every minute we can recall the wonderful things that God has done for us, and the gifts that we have been given. And so, we need to be constantly thanking God for his blessings. In writing to Timothy, Paul makes it clear that we also need to be giving thanks for everyday, worldly things " I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness." 1 Tim 2:1.

Supplication or Intercession. Finally we come to ask God for our needs and the needs of others. There are many demands on our prayer time - many topics and issues that we could pray for, so we need to choose, and to be specific.

Your Blog Makes Us Smile Award

I felt so special when my friend Dulce gave me this award though I wasn't able to grab it right away. I don't know what to say or how to thank her in a very special way. For me, preparing a very good post entry for this must be done since she included me in her awardees even though there’s a lot of blogs that she can pick. I really appreciate it! Knowing that my blog can put a smile on my readers is totally rewarding in my part. I hope that I can continue touching people’s heart through this blog. And to my friend, Dulce I thank you so much. I’m inviting my readers to check on her blog too, she has a lot to share.



Now, It’s time for me to share this award to those I know who deserves to get it. These are the people who really put smile on my face whenever I drop by on their blogs. And the awardees are:

Sunny for his blog, filthy room

Zeb for his blog, a blog’s life

And Sherlie for her blog, sherliez

And of course Dulce’s blog,

Full Time Mom

which always makes me smile too.