Thursday, July 16, 2009

The “No” Word!

It seems that toddlers’ first learning words will not be a set if the word NO is not present. For them it’s a powerful word that can put things in the way they want it to be. I believe this is a normal behavior, a stage where things are hard for the parents to handle. You ask something that you’ll like him to do but instead he’ll just stare at you, shakes head or say “NO!” or even ‘better‘ he does the exact opposite of what he was told. 2 to 3 years old are like that as I observed from my own son and his playgroup mates. Some parents shared the same experience. I think this is the stage where our kids wanted to be in control. They want to do things their own way. We can’t blame them. They have their own opinions and ideas. We want them to be independent but we also like them to be mindful of the needs of others, to see danger, to think before they act and to say No in such acceptable ways. Because saying No is also important! For them, to stay away in trouble or bad things when they get older.

But for the meantime, we want of course, to make our kids not to be used in saying this (I could say) a bit negative word.  One thing I’ve learned from Janice Simons, one of Clarence's very patient teachers was not to give Clarence an option to say No if we want him to do something. Like, when we’re cleaning up his toys and we want to ask him to put his truck away, we will say, “Where do you want this truck, on the shelf or under your table?” In that way, he has no choice but to keep his truck in either place, and hearing the No word becomes lesser. Two acceptable choices that will also make him decide. In food, he sometimes dislike apple but his only second option is grapes. So I didn’t give him anything bad like cookies as another option. Another thing is when you are asking him to do something that he will resist to do, verbally or physically. Like when I ask him to get a diaper, naturally, he’ll say a really tough NO with a look of determination that’s like he’s not gonna break his final word NO. According to Ms. Peggi Kelly, he’s another strong-willed teacher, you should not give up by you yourself getting the diaper, but instead you’ll make sure that your child is getting the signal you’re passing on him. He should know that you are more determined to get your goal – the Diaper.. LOLs! I mean the idea of your child to follow what has been asked him to do. You should not ignore it by saying “oh well, I’ll get it myself just to make it simple!” which is a big mistake because it will just make a perception to your child that he can manipulate you by just saying No. –And that’s not making your life SIMPLE! Instead, you’ll tell your child that you will get the diaper together and you will help him in finding and pulling it from wherever it is kept. You’ll be surprised that he’ll do it…, with you just watching beside him. It’s a win-win-win game, you get your goal of making him follow you, prevents him in possible manipulating on you and you get the diaper. Say No to Stress, Say Yes to Success!! Hehe It rhymes.


sunny said...

strongly agree.! i salute you buddy for giving an importance to this matter, this is a usual concern that some of the parents failed to recognize! keep up the good parenting and for sure your kid wll be a good man just like you!

gab's mom said...

i like this post al.
this is starting to be my problem with Gab. a lot of times he wins. :-(

i should start saying NO to him! i'm the mom, yeah? LOL

but wait, he's just 1 and 9 mos, should i let him win for now? ha ha ha! i just though that he might be too young for a resounding NO! what do you think?

Anonymous said...

Sa tingin ko po maganda po talaga kapag bata pa lang tinitrain na ang bata. kudos! :)

Anna said...

Thank you for the tips. Although both of my children learned to say yes before no, they caught up quickly. I'm dealing with no a lot, but as you said I try not ask questions in a way for them to reply no.

ezekiel13 said...

Thanks sunny, dulce, rej and anna. i appreciate your visit.