Sunday, March 2, 2008

Did I marry the right person?

I did get this from my email and got inspired with his thoughts. I just want to share this with you, married or single, it doesn’t matter as long as you are in a relationship, this one is for you…
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,“How do I knoow if I married the right person?”I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, “Itdepends. Is that your husband?”In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?”Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’sweighing on your mind.Here’s the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love withyour spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and likedtheir idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was acompletely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DOanything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love… because it’shappening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.” Think about the
imagery of that ___expression. It implies that you were just standingthere; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s thenatural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone callsbecome a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when
it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if youthink about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between
the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angrysubsequent stage.At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marrythe right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
the love u once had, you may begin to desire that experience withsomeoneelse. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse fortheir unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity isthe most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, afriendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. Itlies within it.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. Youcould. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the samesituation a few years later.Because (listen carefully to this):
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVERjust happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it
day in and day out. That’s why we have the ___expression “the labor oflove.”Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, ittakesWISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specificthings you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with yourmarriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exerciseprogram makes you physically stronger, certain habits in yourrelationshipWILLmake your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know
and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can “make” love.
Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”… not just a feeling.

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